Woaaah, today is the 7th July. Double 7. That is meant to be a lucky number.

But today everything went wrong.

Well, not everything. But a few things did.

Started from the moment I woke up. I wanted to bring into work a few extra stationary things. Then I have my Ipad bag, got my shoulder bag. It was raining and I couldn’t find my compact umbrella. I had to take a very big one from downstairs. The umbrella when closed has the height of two thirds of my own height. Basically a lot to carry to work.

When I got to the train station, I normally get on the train to Tower Hill because the interchange at stations is a bit better than the other one. Guess what? Missed that one because I was carrying too much stuff and I couldn’t find my phone quick enough to tap in to the ticket machine.

So I had to wait for the next one. To be honest, it was fine. Not a big deal.

I got to work.

For the first half of the day, I was feeling a bit down because I’m new. I did try to get to know everyone but I feel like they are so close knitted. It’s quite hard to jump in mid conversation because I didn’t want to come across rude to anyone. I knew this was going to be like this. I have witnessed enough of my former work colleagues who come and go with my previous job. Enough to know how this works. And I know, I have to be patient.

I had lunch. Normally everyone sits together at the communal area to have lunch with the rest of the team. I chose to go outside.

It was sunny enough that I could enjoy a bit of sun.

And also to get a bit of peace where it’s just myself. Me, myself and I.

I love people. I love working directly with people.

I miss my old work. I miss how I could interact with people that I hardly knew but still was able to make their day special.

In this new work, the client base is mainly through online and emails. There has been minimal face-to-face interactions with clients. I miss that face-to-face connection building, ngl.

Especially now, when I have to prioritise my job, I don’t really go out, no socialising. This has made me realised how much socialising means to me. And I still have to try and make sure that everything runs smoothly, personal life and also work life. It’s quite hard.

But it’s still early days. I’m sure I will settle in. Everything takes time and I’m no exception.

Anyways, continue. When I came back from my lunch, straight away I had to deal with this high profile client who I didn’t really understand, from the personality perspective. An issue was raised and I tried every single thing that I ever knew and I could. This is someone that I had a problem with on my second day of this new job.

No, it wasn’t enough.

The client wasn’t happy with what I had to offer.

I cried.

I remember sitting at the desk and trying to sob softly so no one could hear me. But no, it touched my limit and I couldn’t hold it anymore. I had to let other people know.

Fortunately, the team is very, very supportive. Although they have only known me for about a week, they stood up for me and offered help. I can’t appreciate that enough.

And then quickly I realised, yeah, let it out. Just let it out, quickly. And then move on. On to the next thing. I don’t have time to deal with this kind of bull shit.

Anyway, the day ended. I went home. Took a nap. Feel a lot better now. Spoke to my landlord. She gave me some real deep insight into how to speak to certain kinds of people.

I always knew what she was telling me. But it wasn’t in my mind when I was trying to deal with the situation. I thought, I could just try my best and people will see.

No. That’s not true. Or, maybe I should say, that doesn’t apply to everyone in terms of stakeholders. With the team, they understand straight away and they see that I tried. With the client, they don’t understand because once we try to please them more and more, they become even more demanding. They expect beyond reality, the impossible things. And that’s not right. However, it’s the industry I chose to be in. I got to accept it, learn it, and move on.

This is what I was talking about in my previous post about how quick I have to move in life. Nothing waits for me. I either can sit there, feel sorry for myself, or move on and do something worthier.

And I chose the second one.

And it’s always been helping.

Feelings come, feelings go. Time will heal and everything else will flow.