What a week!

Emotions were up and down.

But I feel a lot more positive now moving forward. I’ve started to have a strong sense of clarity and transparency and I value the importance of it more than anything else. That lies in EVERY single thing I do.

I think I have to accept that I will always have people disappointing me and I need to give less. It’s just not worth it.

When you try to be nice, want to help and ask for help with the intention to give the favour back, it isn’t appreciated, and then they mistreat you. That pain is so strong and so much that you thought you could never handle.

I was mistreated BADLY before, for years. It’s so fucking traumatic. So when someone who doesn’t think through of the situations before actioning something that would create a whole mess, I get so fucking angry whenever that happens to me again. And I’d do and say things that I feel like I’d regret after. But then I still try to be sensible. I just wish as we get older, learn something and be a better person. And more importantly, act like your age. I think everyone’s got that childish side until the day we die and you cannot NOT have it. It’ll always be there. But you got to learn how to manage it. Don’t let other people suffer from your immaturity. Because it’s fucking not on.

I’m always happy to hear the other side of the story. But I will always make my own judgement and be honest about it. So, please do the same!

As I get older, I’ve realised now – trust is everything. You can’t live without it.

And you know another damage that from a small action that you make? When there is suspicion and speculation in the air, things can get wild. Especially when the person in it is not in a great mental state. So, be sensitive.

You might think you know everything and your ego gets over you. That’s the 2 sided sword. It will kill you no matter what you do if you keep having a big ego about yourself. Learn buddhism, how it teaches you about ego. There is so much knowledge out there for us to learn.

And just be a good person.

What I’ve been doing is give give give, and I don’t ask for anything back until I actually have to address when and what I need help with. And then what I got back was immaturity from other people. I got a lot of anger towards this still. But I know I need to move past this.

I’m trying every possible way that would bring me peace. Even just one bit.

It might drain me, tear me down. But it can’t break me.

I will always be able to stand back up again and fight. So, if you’re wondering why I am the way I am now, it is because I’ve experienced a lot of shit in the past and I try to be a better person every day. I value and I appreciate my own effort. So anything that goes against that, I despise their actions and behaviours.

Everyone is trying to find peace in their life, and also help. So respect it. If not, think twice before you do something that you might regret in the future.